Brexit – my story!

By Bev Haigh-Jones

Brussels mural – photo by James

We haven’t had a Brexit story for a while, but we were delighted when James made contact and offered to tell the story of how he and Alice had been affected by the worst mistake that the UK voting public have made.

Once again we hear how the ridiculous notion that we, the UK, would be better off outside the EU, has had such dire consequences for so many people, and in so many different ways. Just recently more cases have come to light of people who were born in the UK who never imagined that they would need to apply for settled status, and who now find themselves at risk of deportation to countries that have never been their home.

Fortunately, James and Alice have managed to resolve some of their difficulties, but that doesn’t take away the years of uncertainty and hurt that they have had to endure in the process.

I met my partner, an Italian national, back in 1995. She was living and staying in London to improve her English and worked in an Italian restaurant in London during her 3-4 month stay over the summer. I always felt lucky at that chance encounter which brought us together and now, almost 29 years and three children later, I look back on how we met and feel even more appreciative as to how that happened.

When we were 19 and 20, there were things we simply took for granted. We met because freedom of movement allowed her to be in the UK, because she had the complete flexibility and freedom to stay as long as she wanted, because freedom of movement allowed her to take a casual job to finance her time here. These were things we took for granted, but sadly no more since the referendum and the subsequent political choices which severed us from our near neighbours on the continent. There were further benefits which EU membership brought us, once we had committed our near futures to each other and a life living in London, the next decision was for my partner to continue her education. At this point, through her baccalaureate qualifications in Italy, it was possible for her to join a university here in London. That four-year degree in French was fully funded by the local council, and with it year three spent abroad in the country of the language being studied meant a year in Paris. These were obvious freedoms which had myriad benefits. During that year abroad she lived rent-free in a small studio on the basis of then teaching the landlord’s young son English – brilliant when that was a second language for her! These simple, mutual appreciations and interactions of each other’s languages and heritage are so much more complicated now.

 During the Brexit years, when, after the referendum the deal (or no deal) was being thrashed out, our lives were treated as political pawns, it was a dreadful time. At worst, we thought it a real possibility that our mixed EU/UK household would be separated as a family, it was unthinkable. However, that extreme uncertainty made a few key things happen. Firstly, my partner gained settled status thanks in no small part to my extreme hoarding of paperwork and documentation which proved our lives together for a long period. Secondly, and perhaps even more importantly, it made me seek out my Irish heritage and thanks to having my original birth certificate, with my father named and having been born in Belfast, I had my entitlement to an Irish passport. It took some six months, but it meant that I had my freedom of movement back and our long term plans (pre-Brexit) to eventually retire to Italy (or somewhere in the Alps), was once again a destiny back in our control. I had not seen my father since I was six years old and little was I to know of the importance of him being named on my birth certificate, but it felt like the best gift anyone could give!

The other consequence of Brexit was to ensure that our children, otherwise UK citizens from birth here, were able to tap into and claim their Italian citizenship and, after a marathon 18-month application, all three have their life choices once again ahead of them as dual UK/ Italian citizens. One major downside which has been impossible to solve was the desire for nonna in Italy to come and live with us with freedom following her retirement in 2022. Once Brexit and later settled status had established itself, our intention was to get Nonna here to stay and apply for settled status for her too, but unfortunately the pandemic and lockdown intervened and that prevented the possibility of exercising that right in a timely manner. Of course she can still visit, but it’s not quite the same with the limitation of 90 days over a 180-day period.* She would have loved to settle here with us and, before the pandemic hit, we had extended our house to facilitate this. Our story is no doubt repeated hundreds of thousands, if not by millions of others and it’s these very complicated, personal stories that I find amongst the saddest in relation to Brexit. One thing I’ll end on is what I fear is a further problem to come our way, if it’s to be believed that there are some 5 million EU citizens still living in the UK. I wonder how many of those, like us, have only remained in the UK because their children are in school and so there is an important need for them to remain, for the moment. I think, every year you will see more and more EU citizens who feel disenfranchised, unwanted, hurt by Brexit and the UK, who will leave once they have the “freedom” to do so, taking with them their unique presence, their culture, their children perhaps? All this is still to be lost, I fear. Churlish though it may seem, I don’t want my Irish/English but mostly Italian girls to stay here as adults and contribute to the UK. Brexit is just one example of an ongoing erosion of the UK quality of life which I lay at the door of the Conservatives starting 40+ years ago.

I hope one day to see the UK back at the heart of the EU. I am happy to be a paid member of the European Movement and also “Stay European” and also to receive the excellent newsletters from Cornwall for Europe, and I’m glad to be part of a like-minded movement. Maybe one unintended positive of Brexit could be that more people who identify as European might discover friendships over this mutual shared value? Oh and there’s really only one Brexit benefit and that will be the appreciation and joy of rejoining one day!

James & Alice

*Anita tells us that, at this point, this is not quite correct. It would be true if nonna were English and wanted to stay with her children on the continent, but the British only impose a six months a year rule, which, as far as she’s aware, does not have to be consecutive in three-month periods like it does on the continent. In her case, she’ll be in this country from January through March, followed by a month in May and one in July-August, and she’s yet to decide how and when to “spend” the sixth month she’s allowed to be in the UK.